she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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