found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
