Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
