Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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