I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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