I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
