I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
whose parrot is this?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
