Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
