what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize