the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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