Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You took a bar mat shot.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
