I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
