question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
