I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
