if i can run in heels then i can drive
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
