I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
