I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
