He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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