I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
