I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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