yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
