I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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