Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
God, I missed his penis.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
