forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
