She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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