It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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