Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
