He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
