And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
