Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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