somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you traded sex for a burrito?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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