My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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