I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize