the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
