Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
