Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
