She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
