Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
