you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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