you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize