I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
