i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
