the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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