Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
