i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
