So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He keeps bees of course he's weird
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
