im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
