Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
