He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
