I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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