I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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