Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
