literally had 100 drinks last night.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
