but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
