i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
