3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
