Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
