how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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