Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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