Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
