i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
