Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize